This week was an interesting one; I went on
a bit of an emotional rollercoaster and got a little bit lost along the way. It
is week 3 of my 1month intensive training course and I was feeling tired, as
the week went on different parts of my body were aching and lacking in energy
and I just wasn’t feeling on form. I was worrying about the results of my
anatomy exam and wondering if I would ever get my head around the Yoga
philosophy when a friend of mine asked me a simple question….. What’s the worst
that can happen? Now, for anyone who has been reading my blog since the start
you will know this is not the first time I have been faced with this question. Such
a simple thought, but a great way to solve those worries in your head, if you face
the worst that can happen and are ok with it, things aren’t so bad after all! The worst thing that could happen in this case
was failing my exams- but even saying it out loud made me immediately reassure
myself out loud that I wasn’t going to fail, I had to pass!! There it was I had
to pass. I was lost, I had lost focus on what I was doing, why I was doing it
and totally forgetting to enjoy each day and learn every day.
It is hard sometimes to stick to your own
opinion and feelings; this might sound strange but let me explain…. Here I am
on my little yoga buzz, my journey, I have left the corporate world and rat
race to follow my dream and become a yoga teacher full time. However, this week
I found myself back in that rat race, ok I wasn’t wearing a suit but I got so
wrapped up in what I was supposed to know to pass these exams, concentrating on
an end goal which in reality doesn’t matter, I totally lost my focus on my
dream and why I am doing this course…
I want to be a yoga teacher, but I want to
be the best yoga teacher I can be. That doesn’t mean scoring 100% in every
exam, it means staying true to me and teaching as me. This week I let other people’s
worries, fears, stresses and anxiety throw me off balance and as a result I
went into a total headspin. I didn’t mirror their actions but I took on their
emotions and I didn’t even realize I was doing it. Yeah sure, my body was a
little achy and I was tired but I am absolutely loving this course. I am not
worried and the exams are not hanging over my head. Whatever happens, the
percentage I get in my philosophy exam will not define me as a teacher. But if
I let myself go back to that place where I worry about what other people think
and let other people influence my decisions then that will absolutely have an
impact on my teaching.
So after my reality check, I went back to
basics. I stopped thinking about what was coming next week, month or even
tomorrow. I just focused on each day… by Friday my mid-week meltdown was long
gone and I was back to me. When the teacher asked us to set an intention at the
start of Thursday’s class I choose me! I also smiled throughout the class, have
you ever tried this? I seriously recommend you to give it a go, I had a really
fun practice. When I surprised myself and wrapped my legs behind my head I
smiled, when I fell over in a balance I smiled. I did the same on Friday
morning and it felt even better, what’s more it made it easier to go deeper
into the poses when my muscles were aching. This was a great lesson to learn
that I will bring into my classes; I will encourage my students to smile! It
might not work in all styles of yoga but it will definitely feature in my
classes.
This 1-month intensive teacher-training course
is absolutely intense, I was prepared for the heavy workload but what I wasn’t
prepared for was the emotional journey… Take it back to what I said before
about truthfulness and contentment. I am on this journey and every day I am
learning, I always intend to be true to me but sometimes my mind races ahead
and I get caught up in other people’s emotions. This is part of who I am and I
just need to be aware of it and be able to stay true to me. So at the end of
the week I walked away smiling, not because I got my exams, that was a nice
bonus but because this week I learned some new things that will absolutely make
me a better teacher.
Next time you step onto your mat maybe try
to smile and see what happens!
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