Let what you love be what you do!

At the start of 2013 I decided this year was going to be different… Having moved to London at the end of 2011, my first year in London just flew by at a ridiculous pace and I barely had time to enjoy it. Don’t get me wrong it was a great year for lots of reasons but I found myself getting totally sucked into the rat race and the months just blurred by. So the only new years resolution I made at the end of 2012 was to make sure this year was different, I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to do it but that didn’t matter.

So I started off with great intentions but once again found myself working at a crazy pace with very little time for anything other than work. However, this time I was determined to make a change- I was just waiting for the right moment and in a way the inspiration. In March I got it, I went on holiday and did some yoga on the beach and as cliché as it sounds I found myself- by that I mean I found my inspiration, I came home left my job and started my own business… looking back I don’t know why I didn’t do it sooner, I no longer have than Monday morning fear, or Sunday night dread… I truly love what I do. That doesn’t mean there aren’t worry moments or times where I am a little stressed but I have never been so happy- because I followed my heart, I stopped listening to other people and listened to what I really wanted.

This did not happen overnight and the realization of what I wanted was not easy either… I knew I wanted to change my career but let’s be honest most of us think of that at some point in the week… the Monday morning blues, or the mid week hump day! But it is also easy to see the grass as being greener somewhere else when the reality is every job has its good and bad points. However, I just knew this year it was more than the Monday morning blues. I don’t know if I would have ever gotten the courage to make that leap if it wasn’t for a friend of mine… I was dreaming out loud about what I would love to do as a full time job if I could choose anything without any worry over money etc. and just as I was about to rubbish the dream they stopped me and said- Well do it then- What’s the worst that can happen? It was like a cold bucket of water to the face, my mind started racing, I had goose bumps and that was it. I just decided to do it! 

It is almost 7months since that conversation and my life has totally changed, I am the same old me but so much happier- now I totally understand and live by the phrase ‘Let what you love be what you do’. I have had many moments of fear, mostly to do with money, wondering if I will be able to pay the bills but each month these worries shrink a little more and I am learning to trust- in me, in what I do and somehow it is all working out. But these fear or worry moments never came down to my decision, once I heard those words I never doubted the decision and I am so grateful that I finally got the courage to make the change in my life. That’s the thing though, YOU have to make the change. If you are not happy only you can change it, close friends and family can try to advise and help but until you are ready to make the change you won’t hear the words or listen to the advice.

Every day I step on my yoga mat and I smile, whether I am doing my own practice or teaching I really smile and I encourage my students to do the same. I know I am lucky to be able to do what I love as my job and every day I am doing what I am doing I remind myself of that. I am not suggesting everyone who is unhappy in their job leaves, but instead find something that makes you happy. Or go back to something that made you happy, something you have let go which you really loved to do. You are never too busy to take some time for you!

For me it’s yoga, no matter what, once I roll out my mat, slip off my socks and step on my mat I smile- every single time.

What’s your yoga? 

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Living in the moment- so often a challenge...

Living in the moment…. Why is it so difficult to just be here, in the present? Not wishing for tomorrow or dreaming of yesterday but living today…. Something happened this week which opened my eyes and gave me some answers…

Inspiration can come from the strangest and most unexpected places… I had an early flight back to London on Sunday morning after a wedding at home in Dublin, I rolled out of bed at 5am with that horrible feeling of being so tired I felt sick. I was hoping for a quiet taxi man so I could just catch 40winks but taxi’s in Ireland are rarely quiet journeys-it’s always a lovely welcome when I touch down in Dublin and hop into a taxi and instantly he is chatting about the weather, the economy or whatever else is on his mind! Normally I love it but as my hearty taxi man embarked on his topics of choice… I just sat back, listened and added the odd response when he took a breath. He could probably see I was falling asleep so he started asking me about why I was home I kept it short and sweet, still hoping for a few minutes of silence… again he took over and started to describe his version weddings- he said it’s funny how the men love the party but fear the inevitable girlfriend fluttering her eyelashes talking about how romantic everything is while they feel the pressure rise to get down on one knee, women on the other hand get wrapped up in the fairy tale and a different kind of fear sets in, it is like an amplifier for a ticking clock. Women want to press that pause button and ideally rewind a few years…. My ears started to prick up a little.

As a girl approaching the end of my 20’s I am coming to the stage where friends are getting married which causes other friends to get nervous and that fear of being left on the shelf sets in… many of my girlfriends hate admitting their age and would love to turn the clock back a little….  Rather than enjoying where they are now, whether single or in a relationship. There seems to be a constant want or need for something else- marriage, kids etc. Is there ever a fulfilled feeling?

It got me thinking about how things change. Children constantly wish their life away…. Wanting to grow up. I work with kids now and I see what a massive influence the words we use with kids has…. How often does a parent tell a child they can do something when they are older? Or tell the child they can’t do something because they are too young? Our carefree days of being a child are so short in our lifetime but yet every day I see how kids wish these precious days away, looking for the next thing to happen. Now I know they aren’t actually wishing their life away as they don’t think that deeply or understand how good they have it but by constantly making reference to what they can’t do because they are too young we are building up the getting older part instead of encouraging them to live in the moment!

I remember being in my teens at school and studying for exams, the sun always seemed to be shining when it came to study time. I could hear the younger kids playing outside for hours and I often thought how I would love to be able to go back to being a child and appreciate those years more, the not having to worry years. The point is we spend so much time wishing to be somewhere else or at a different stage in our lives. Even as adults, rather than enjoying where we are and appreciating all we have got we are racing to a finish line and what for? A good friend of mine made a comment to me this week- wishing it was 2 years time when he would be qualified in his studies; I stopped him and challenged him. Why would you want to waste 2 years of your life? Miss out on all those great times with your kids, 2 years of memories with friends and family! I told him while it is important to focus on the bigger picture and have a goal…. He needed to remember to enjoy the journey. The journey is a key part to the destination. 

In yoga we are encouraged to be in the moment, to step onto the mat and let go of any rushing we had to do to get to class that day, any to do lists bouncing around in our heads for later…. To ignore what anyone else is doing on their mat and just be present and connect with our breath and our body. Our struggle on the mat is just a microscope into what we do every day in our lives. Of course it is difficult to be present and in the moment when we spend the rest of our lives racing to fill a bucket of water with a hole in the bottom, more water won’t help we need to patch up the hole.

When I started teaching yoga full time earlier this year I decided to jump off the treadmill and stop racing through life. To enjoy where I am now and live in the moment. It was not an overnight transformation and I sometimes still struggle with myself to stay off the treadmill, it’s like a bad habit  I don’t even realize I’m doing it. But for me yoga has helped me stop rushing, wishing for the next thing and to start living today. 

Ever heard the phrase ‘Life is too short’ maybe start believing it...

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Take yourself out of your comfort zone... see where it takes you!

It is funny how we are all creatures of habit… in some shape or form we like routine. From our morning ritual before we leave the house whether you are a snoozer or an early riser, whether you take time for a long shower and a leisurely breakfast or wait until the last minute to get up so you rush your shower and race out the door maybe grabbing a cup of coffee on the way to the office. We like a sense of order and get used to things the way we like it. I am a very organized person by nature so routine and planning are my comfort zone. 

It was only when I started to think about this recently that I really started to realize how much habit there is in my life- I go for a walk in the morning and I do the same walk, I do my yoga practice in the same place in my apartment, when I get the train I generally stand on the same place on the platform…. I could go on but you get the idea.

So I took a look at my self-practice…. It is easy to get into habits, to do the same sequences and to stay within the comfort zone. I noticed I was teaching lots of variety in my classes, making sure students didn’t get bored or too comfortable- keeping an element of familiarization but yet constantly stretching them and giving them something to work towards, but I wan’t transferring this to my practice. So this week I decided to take myself out of my comfort zone and try to break those habits…. I decided to try a Jivamukti Class. What an experience- most of my yoga background has been vinyasa flow and power yoga so I wasn’t too sure what to expect. The studios I usually go to are small and intimate but yet with plenty of space for each student. Initially when I walked in I felt out of my comfort zone, it was a big studio, which once class filled ended up having over 40 people. I somehow found myself right up the front in the middle of the room… No hiding down the back for me then. Not that I necessarily wanted to hide or have an easy practice but I’m a bit like that in unfamiliar settings. I like to be in the background a little until I feel comfortable…. But there was no dipping toes in the water here it was a dive straight into deep water. We started chanting- another relatively new experience. Although I did this throughout my teacher training and often go to classes where there are small elements, this was different. I really enjoyed it, anyone who knows me will definitely be raising an eyebrow, but honestly there was a great energy in the room and I just went with it. The class was amazing, the teacher had a very unique style but I instantly took to it. I have honestly not enjoyed a class as much in ages- don’t get me wrong I have been to some brilliant yoga classes recently but there was something very different about this class. I found my body stretching, bending and opening in ways it never had before- the teacher was adjusting me into shapes I hadn’t even seen before but as she twisted me like a rubber band my body just went with it, no pain, it just worked.

When we came to Savasana my body definitely breathed a sigh or relief as I had worked it hard throughout the class but there was also a sense of wanting more. I left the studio absolutely floating- I couldn’t do every pose in the class but rather than fighting my body I worked within what was working and where my body wanted to go in that class. As the teacher guided us through advanced poses I didn’t think about whether or not I would be able to do it I just tried it… I let go of any pre-conceived ideas of what I could or couldn’t do and I felt more in the moment than I think I ever have in a yoga class.

This class has inspired not only my self-practice but also a change in some other little habits off the mat. I know I will always be a creature of habit and I will always like my routine but as I have learned this week sometimes you just need to push yourself out of your comfort zone… although it can feel a bit scary that fear factor comes into play… if you don’t try you won’t know what might have happened! Maybe this week, take yourself out of you comfort zone- change a habit, on the mat or off the mat and see where it takes you! 

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Don't be intimidated- believe in you!

Never teach the teacher, teach the student!

I walked into one of my classes last week and was delighted to see lots of familiar faces and some new eager students. As I introduced myself, some of the new students did the same and went on to tell me all the places they taught and how they were looking forward to my class. All of a sudden I could feel my nerves start to take over, I was instantly brought back to days at school right before a big exam or being in college making a presentation in front of a full lecture hall.  My breath went shallow, my knees went a little wobbly and I could feel a heat rising inside. I quickly scanned the room my eyes feeling pulled towards the door almost like a magnet as I contemplated if I could just make a run for it and leave. How did I impress these highly experienced teachers, what if they didn’t like my style and didn’t think I was good enough? Somehow as these thoughts were racing through my head at a million miles an hour I settled the class down and began the warm up, using my words to try and focus and calm myself as much as for my students. But the adrenaline was taking over, I was over thinking…. I took looked around the room and saw each student was relaxed and connecting with their breath…. so I went back to basics- I listened to my own words and I came back to my breath.

As I calmed my breath, I felt my mind calm and I began to teach, properly, as me. As a teacher I know as much as any teacher that I am also always going to be a student, one of the brilliant things about yoga is that we are all continuously learning and always have something to work towards so I focused on each person in the class as a student and I taught the rest of my class with confidence, encouraging each person to listen to their own bodies and to take their variation of the pose as they needed that day.

After class I felt drained, I usually leave class on a high and feel energized but my reaction and nerves at the start of the class had really stressed me. However, instead of over analyzing it and beating myself up over it I smiled and laughed to myself- what a waste of energy that had been. In any class I teach I can only be me, I had been intimidated by teaching very experienced teachers, I had let self-doubt take over for a few moments and almost let the fear take over and ruin the class. In every class I teach I learn- often from my students and often from my teaching and then to how I deal with situations as they arise and work with each student to develop their own practice. Sometimes the learning’s are subtle and sometimes they are a little more obvious, but in every class there is a lesson for me as the teacher

This class taught me to trust in what I feel, to believe in me and to always teach the student, not the teacher. Again I have seen how easily experiences on the mat and in the studio transfer into my off the mat life. So many examples spring to mind of where I felt intimidated or nervous by being in certain groups and feeling a pressure to impress- in previous work environments and social situations. However, as I have grown and experienced these situations I have grown in confidence. I am not always bursting with confidence but I am less likely to feel intimidated in these situations now. I have been there and done that and just like in the yoga class it is a waste of energy. So my learning this week is to live by you, listen to you and believe in who you are and how great you are. Once you start to believe this, what other people think or do won’t matter. Be true to you!

Be strong enough to be vulnerable!

Do you ever feel like your life is going a little too fast, that there are just not enough hours in the day and no matter what you do you are constantly chasing your tail or adding to the to do list. How great would it be to press the pause button or even slow play and just take yourself out of whatever intense environment you are in, remove the emotion and make decisions with a clear head. The last few weeks have been a bit like this for me, it almost felt like I had increased the speed too much on the treadmill and my body was loosing control as it tried to keep up with my legs as they raced not to fall off the treadmill, losing all sense of control and balance and my main focus was to keep upright, even if I looked like a dog on roller skates, with limbs going in all directions. Needless to say it was inevitable that I would fall off the treadmill at some stage but how this happened surprised me a little.

A few of my friends have been going through stressful times recently and I have stepped in offering my shoulders as pillows, providing an endless supply of chocolate and the odd bottle of wine! This is nothing new, I like to be there for people that are close to me. I like that my friends feel they can talk to me and share their fears and worries. I will never say I told you so, I don’t do the tough love thing and don’t judge, they are my friends and that’s part of a great friendship but I found myself in a very strange situation last week. I needed the shoulder, I needed the reassurance but I really struggled in asking for it. I find it so easy to be there for other people, listening and helping them work out a solution or getting rid of the negative thoughts and having a more positive outlook but yet when it comes to me I put up walls and find it difficult to talk even to my closest friends. I could feel myself clamming up last week, putting on a brave face and trying to smile through it but people around me continued to ask what was wrong and tell me I wasn’t myself but I couldn’t let anyone in. I got half way through the week and I hit a wall, I took some time out and started asking myself why I found it so easy to carry other people through their worries and problems yet found it so difficult to be held through mine?

It wasn’t an easy answer question, well actually the answer was pretty simple but the realization and acceptance was the tough part. A few weeks ago a friend of mine was going through a stressful time and I only discovered she was struggling when I walked in on her really upset after a yoga class. She, like me, is a very bubbly happy positive person and I was surprised to find her so upset. She was at that point of the treadmill going too fast and not feeling like she could press the slow down button, the constantly chasing her legs to keep up and the pressure to keep going so as not to fall flat on her face. We talked, hugged, cried and laughed. I told her I was always there for her and that she should just let it all out and let me and others close to her help her and hold her had for a change and then she said it- She finds it hard to be held. At the time I empathized with her, faintly acknowledging that maybe I had the same issue on a much smaller level and I reassured her that we all need to be helped and she was only human. She had a big pot of mixed emotions and the more she tried to keep the lid on the more it was going to constantly boil over until she lifted the lid, let the steam off and let the pot simmer down.

Well last week I realized that I was holding on tight to that lid on my own pot, I was afraid to let go and verbalise my fears and I was afraid to be held. Why? Insecurity, lack of confidence and the fear of being vulnerable. When you are other people’s go to person, it is very easy to forget about your own worries and fears. But as I discovered the more you try to keep it all in the more it needs to come out. Last week I realized that being strong was not about keeping everything locked up inside that was me being afraid to express how I really felt…. Being strong is allowing myself to be vulnerable, to feel my emotions and to ask for that shoulder when I need it!  As I found out…. Friendship is not a big thing….. it is a million little things!