Take a chance on you... Be brave enough to fall!

Last week I found myself running faster than my legs could carry me… you know when you are trying to do so many things at once that you feel nothing is actually getting done properly and you are constantly chasing your tail. I honestly felt like I was on a treadmill and someone kept increasing the speed until my toes were barely touching the ground… that someone was me! The me of old. Now don’t get me wrong I had a really good week I taught some great new classes, picked up a few cover classes which turned out to be great fun and I kept up with my own practice every day – often finding myself in poses that I had never quite reached before but by then end of the week I felt bunt out, definitely in need of a battery recharge.

It’s not the first time I have tried to fit too much into my week and because of the type of person I am, who hates letting people down I just keep saying yes and the person who suffers is me- whether it’s skipping meals to fit some extra work in or not sleeping with too much buzzing around in my head. I also know it won’t be the last time I take on too much…. But there was a big difference now when I do it. So at the end of last week although I felt shattered I was so happy, I knew all I needed was a good sleep and a quiet(ish) J day and I would be back on track. So why was it different? Because it is my business, it is my decision to take on the extra workload or not and if I need some time off… I can take it. I am very lucky to be able to wake up every day and love the job I do, I never have that Sunday evening fear or Monday morning dread and although I love the weekend I don’t wake up on a Monday and begin the countdown to Friday- I used to! I honestly used to wish my week away looking forward to Friday, I found myself in my mid twenties wishing away my weeks- why? Because I wasn’t happy… I have met so many people- friends, students etc. who tell me they are not happy in their jobs and I cant totally relate to it because not so long ago that was me. Now I look back and think why didn’t I make the move earlier? 

Hindsight is a great thing and this journey has not been a totally smooth sailing... but I am definitely enjoying steering this ship and getting it through the storms which makes those sunny days so much better. I still have worries and fears but they are related to different things now. I bet anyone who has left that security of a full time job with a regular pay-check and swapped it to follow a dream or a hunch and set up something of their own will relate to that fear of how you are going to pay your bills. For me the first few months were so scary when it came to money, I had countless ‘freak out’ moments wondering what had possessed me to give up a secure well paid job to follow my heart and do what I wanted to do for a living, to love getting up every day and going to work, who was I kidding. However  as time went on I started listening to my heart even more. The less I worried and the more I just went with it the better things started to be. Things just started to happen, job opportunities started to come from the craziest and most unsuspecting places and I started to relax more. That fear quickly faded and was replaced by confidence and an even stronger sense of passion and determination to stick to my dream.

To answer my own question- what stopped me from making the move earlier? It was me! Part of it was the risk factor, fear of the unknown but to be honest the biggest part was not valuing myself enough. Not letting myself realize that it’s ok to do exactly what I want to do in life and not worry what anyone else thinks. Teaching yoga is what I love to do, it’s what makes me happy and in the last 6months it has opened up so many doors and opportunities for me. It took me a while to find what I wanted to do, what I really wanted to do… and even longer to get the courage and confidence to do it! It’s not a decision that happened overnight, it is one I make every day… and i am loving it. 

My advice to anyone who wants to do something different with their life- take a chance on you!! Be brave enough to fall, you are strong enough to pick yourself up. Every time you fall, learn from it and use every set back as a stepping stone to get you to your goal. 

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Feel the fear and do it anyway! Be prepared to fall but don’t let that mean you are prepared to fail…

A few months ago I fell flat on my face, literally, in a yoga class and it totally knocked my confidence on the mat. My ego took a bruising, along with my nose, and I lost my ‘give it a go’ attitude. I found myself taking the easy option in arm balances, hanging out beside my new best friend- the wall! Not the best thing for a yoga teacher… and initially I struggled to get me confidence back, but just like any ‘falling flat on your face moment’ the only way to get over it is face your fear, to go against every instinct in your body that tells you to run away…. Feel the fear, prepare to fall but don’t prepare to fail!

Whether it is on or off the yoga mat I’m sure we can all remember numerous times where we fell flat on our face… freezing in a really important work presentation, getting a roasting from your boss in front of your work colleagues, tripping up in the street in your just too high stilettos or like me trying to do some crazy yoga pose and landing on your face. Whatever your story I’m sure you are familiar with that feeling of embarrassment, cheeks burning, wanting the floor to open and swallow you up… you just want to get out of wherever you are and forget about the whole experience.

Well for anyone who knows me they will know I am familiar with all of the above- so yes I have fallen on my face many times, in lots of different ways. Unfortunately, it is not one of things that gets easier the more it happens. You may learn from the experience but I can honestly say with all this practice, I have not become better able to deal with it!  My most recent fall, where I almost broke my nose, was slightly different from the others… usually I come away from these embarrassing situations and just forget about them… but this one really stuck with me. The particular class I went to was pretty advanced, full of yogis who had no problem balancing on any part of their body for any amount of time and twisting and turning themselves like an elastic band. I, on the other hand, am not quite at that stage. However, Instead of me working to my own level I pushed myself too far, I let the pressure of the teacher’s words and other students abilities distract me- not that they did or said anything but my ego decided to jump onto the mat and all of a sudden there I was in the middle of the studio kicking up into a forearm balance- which I didn’t normally practice and before I knew it my fear factor kicked in and I fell straight down onto my face- followed closely by my body thudding to the floor in the most un-ladylike manner you can imagine- roll on serious embarrassment, a very sore face and a major bashing to my confidence. Definitely my biggest fall on my face moment!

I didn’t quite bounce back from this one… For the first few weeks after my fall I didn’t even attempt forearm balances in my self practice and found myself shying away from handstands too. As a yoga teacher this is not a good habit to get into. So after a month of nurturing my bruised ego I decided enough was enough I was going to tackle my forearm balance, or pincha to us yogis! Every day I tried it in my self-practice, I started off close to the wall and slowly but surely moved away into the centre of the room. I prepared myself for the falls and yes there were many but I also knew it was the only way to learn. Last Saturday I had the music blaring doing my own little yoga buzz and without even thinking I lifted up into my pincha and just held it…. No wobbling, no thudding to the floor, I even smiled! I felt like I had won first prize in a really big competition- slightly dramatic maybe but honestly I was so happy with myself.

Just as I have done before in work situations where I have fallen flat on my face I picked myself up. I have realized that whatever the situation, for me the best way to get over it is to face the same situation again head on…. It doesn’t mean I won’t fall… I am prepared to fall but I am definitely not prepared to fail!

If there is something that has knocked your confidence recently- on or off the mat… Feel the fear and do it anyway! 

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