How do you react when someone gives you a
compliment? Do you laugh it off, deflect it, nearly embarrassed to acknowledge
it or are you comfortable enough to accept it and thank the person? For me
taking a compliment however big or small, from random strangers, friends or
people I love can be difficult.
Growing up I have really struggled with
this one- even something simple like when someone says ‘Oh I like your dress” I
feel the need to tell them that it was a bargain- where I got it and how much
it cost! Instead of just saying thank you! Or when someone tells me my hair
looks lovely or I look great- I automatically deflect it in one way or another
and come up with something that’s wrong like ‘My roots are awful, my skin is
terrible, my jeans are too tight… do I need to go on?! If you are nodding your
head or even smiling a little you know exactly what I mean. On the other hand
if you are curiously raising your eyebrows thinking ‘What is she talking
about?’ You are in that group of people I am learning to be like- slowly! J
I often wonder where this aversion to
compliments came, I remember as a child loving being told how pretty I looked
or how lovely my dress was. I was a bit of a wannabe actress I think and loved
the attention. I would perform in front of any crowd who wanted to watch me
dance, sing and often I just did it for me. I remember standing in front of my
mums full-length mirror and singing my heart out into the hairbrush…. But
somewhere along the way I lost that and it turned into something I shy away
from. There are certain times when it is worse, when I go through tough times
at work, personally or in relationships…. If my confidence is knocked I notice
I deflect anything that even looks like it could be a positive comment or comes
close to a compliment.
I used to think it was a girl thing or even
just a me thing… but as I have grown up I have come to believe it is both, and
I have also discovered it is not just limited to women. Men often shy away from
compliments too, perhaps sometimes for different reasons, but I find it
interesting when I compliment a guy and he deflects it straight away or pulls
out the quickest joke he can think of to avoid that gratitude moment. So I now
think it is a universal thing, we deflect compliments so we don’t appear cocky,
stuck up or vain to other people! It’s funny really when you think of it…. If
someone tells you ‘You look great and you reply ‘I know, thanks’ there is this
perception that you love yourself…. And we think of that as a bad thing. Would
it not be so much better to be able to respond to a compliment with a smile and
acceptance and let yourself feel great for whatever compliment it is? After all
if you don’t love yourself how can you expect other people to love you or how
can they truly love you if you are putting up walls and barriers, constantly
trying to create an image or live up to other peoples expectations.
So I started to look at it in a different
way… instead of how I feel when I am given a compliment I thought about how I
feel when I give someone a compliment. Whether it is a friend, family member,
loved one… it doesn’t matter I only say it because I really think it and truly
mean it…. So when they brush it off or shy away from it, it just ruins the
intention. This is how people close to
me must feel when I hide from compliments and laugh them off. So I set myself a
challenge… to take compliments as they are intended. It may sound simple but as
I am learning it is a challenge… however I am also learning the rewards are
great. The first thing I do when I get a compliment now is smile, I don’t
speak, deflect or laugh I just smile and think for a minute that maybe just
maybe it’s true! And trust me…. It is a much nicer feeling.
It is not a miracle cure but I am slowly
noticing a change in my reaction…. It is a bit scary at first but stick with it
and challenge yourself to be a little more open minded about how great you are!
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