Fear is a funny thing, it has a way of
working its way through your thoughts. I have found it often stems from one
thing but then spills over into all the different areas of your life and
manifests itself into something worlds away from the initial cause.
Everyone experience fear throughout their
lives, if you are like me it will be a weekly occurrence but I guess it’s how
you deal with it that makes the difference. Fear is a natural thing, we can
fear the unknown, the future, change in personal or professional circumstances
often sparks fear so how do we learn to deal with it and not let it take
over… For me fear has a great habit of
leading me to have those one sided conversations in my head which turn into a
much bigger deal than the original source. So rather than voicing my fear and
tackling it head on I shy away, almost hiding from it hoping it will just pass.
Although you would think after 29years I would have learned that hiding from
your fear is the worst thing you can do, it doesn’t go away, it is always there
and eventually it comes back and I have to deal with it!
For anyone who has been reading ‘My little
yoga buzz’ you will be very familiar with my fall on my face incident trying to
do a forearm balance in the middle of a studio. What a journey it has been to
get to a stage where I can now balance in pincha without the security of the
wall… So many learning’s came from that one class and fall. Not letting my ego
onto the mat, staying true to my own practice and not to feel intimidated with
what other people / teachers expect or ask me to do in a class- this one was a
particular struggle. But most importantly for me I think was the positive
impact it has had on my teaching. For anyone who hasn’t read my blog before
that was a short recap, we are all on the same page now!!
A few weeks ago I wrote about conquering my
fear and finally getting my forearm balance, all be it in my own sitting room….
I honestly thought I had mastered the pose and was over the whole incident. However
last week I had a real challenge. I was sitting outside a studio waiting to go
into class, I was really looking forward to the class, I had heard a lot about
the teacher and although I hadn’t tried her class before I had met her a few
times and just knew I would love her teaching style. It was a teachers class, I
didn’t really know what to expect but whilst I was passing the time on my phone
I looked up and saw another teacher waiting for the class just like me…. Whilst
I was sitting she was hanging out in handstand- very impressive but also
slightly intimidating! The class began and just as I had imagined Mollie was a
fabulous teacher, she has a great presence about her a lovely start to the
class …. Then it happened! ‘Lets work into Pincha’- my body went into a cold
sweat…. I could feel my heart racing, my skin getting clamy and I just knew my
face was like a tomato. I had no control over it!
Here I was in the centre of the room,
forearms on the mat, déjà vu, and fear was jumping all over me! So I sat up and
spoke, I shared my previous experience and fear with the room. I wasn’t
prepared to let me ego take over again, so I asked for help. It was very
obvious to everyone in the room, none of whom I had met before, that I was
nervousand rather than laugh or judge me they encouraged and supported me, before
I knew it I was hanging out in pincha…. And loving it! ‘Learn to fall’ they
told me, ‘practice falling’ – now I’m not going to lie this sounded crazy to
me. When I got to that lovely balance place in pincha why would I fall out of
it??? But this was the best advice they could have given me…. It turns out I was
not afraid of the pose but of the fall! Over the last few months I have been
focusing on achieving the pose rather than dealing with the real fear…. The
fall!!!
So for the last week that’s exactly what I
have done… I work into my pincha and then I fall. It was a bit strange to start
but now…. I am quite the falling pro. Have I really conquered my fear now?….
Who knows. No doubt there will be more learnings on this journey and plenty of
falls. But I do know voicing my fear was nowhere near as scary as I thought it
would be!
Feel the fear and do it anyway!
www.facebook.com/EllaBelleYoga
www.twitter.com/ellabelleyoga
No comments:
Post a Comment