Never lose who you are…. For anyone!

This week has been interesting…. Quite the rollercoaster and it’s only Wednesday! My little yoga buzz is starting take shape…. My timetable is filling up, I’m teaching most days and really loving it. When I get those scary moments and start to worry about money or the future I step on my mat and it instantly calms me, however I have to admit there have even been a few tears on the mat this week. I never want to loose that safe place of my mat, my little yoga buzz was and is all about me following my dream, taking a risk and leaping out of my comfort zone to be happier, more content, to teach, do yoga and to step out of that crazy rat race and erratic pressure. However, the reality is I live in London – a fabulous city but also very expensive so my little dream needs to give me that financial security too. This week has been a bit stressful- that unknown and fear element crept in and I suddenly found that when what you love becomes what you do there is a very fine balance between maintaining that passion and love and managing the business side of things so that I can truly enjoy it and not get swept up into another rat race.

I knew it wasn’t going to be easy and I knew it wouldn’t all fall into place over night but I am also the kind of person that likes to be in control of certain things, I have always had a regular pay check coming in at the end of the month and never had to worry about splashing out and treating myself. Suddenly I don’t have that regular payday, that financial security or even the comfort of knowing I belong to something or that I am part of a team. I have had some great support along the way and some close friends and family have been amazing but at the end of the day it comes down to me. This is really scary for me, I live with my heart, I find it hard to remove the emotional element, especially when it is something important to me. So if it is work, friendships, relationships etc. I do it will all my heart, I give it 110% and this is just me. This is not a bad quality, in fact I think it is a great thing but it does have it’s negative points…. I take things personally; in any of the above situations when something doesn’t work out I take it as a negative reflection on me and automatically retreat into myself, I shy away from people, crowded places, the big baggy jumpers come out and my confidence tumbles.

So I know there are going to be knockbacks as I try to get my business up and running the way I want it to be, there are going to be bumps, things won’t always work out as I plan and I know how I will react. Before maybe I would have tried to cover that up but now I accept that is who I am and sometimes my emotions will get in the way and they will always be a part of everything I do because if they weren’t I wouldn’t be me. I’m willing to take the hits, run smack into the hurdles and pick up some scars along the way but I am not willing to change me for yoga or anyone.

It is easy for people to judge and tell me not to be silly, I have everything going for me, it’s only a job, or its just the circumstances but sometimes you just need to listen to how you feel and go with it! If something doesn’t feel right don’t do it but never don’t do something because of what you think other people might say or want. If you are happy about something smile, if you are sad about something cry and ask for that hug. It might surprise you who is by your side when you are struggling or when you reach out for that extra support. A lot of people talk the talk but your true friends will never leave you alone when you are upset even if you ask them to, they will never tell you to stop crying and they will always listen. So for me friendship is one of the most important things in the world- some of my closest friends live on the other side of the world but that doesn’t matter. Friendship is also the foundation of the best relationships of the heart, true friendship is one of those things that can withstand the toughest storm. It is not something that comes easy but it is always worth the effort, reach out to your friends and hold them close in your arms and in your heart. They are the people that will always love you- even on the bad days! 

Even if they are not by your side your friends will always be there…. Next time you are having a bad day maybe try what I did this week… step on your mat smile through the tears and remember never change you, never lose who you are…. For anyone!

EB xxx 

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