You know the saying the grass is always
greener?... So I took a chance I saw the greener grass on the other side and I
decided to check it out!
Last year when I decided to make the leap
out of the corporate world and become a yoga teacher full time I dreamed of a
calmer, more relaxed life where I didn’t stress as much or worry as much and
definitely not work as hard- I would have more time for me with the added bonus
of being super flexible of course from spending my days doing yoga! So 9 months
on how does the actual reality compare…
It is different to what I expected-which is
not a bad thing, now instead of dreaming about it I am living it. It is always
easier to look at things from the outside and make a judgment, seeing only the
pieces you want to see and wearing your rose coloured glasses to cover the
rest. The truth, it has been an adventure and a massive learning curve. I am
now a full time yoga teacher but I still stress over little things, I still
worry- just about different things and yes I still work too hard and sometimes push
myself a little bit too much- I have not learnt to say no and as a result me
time is often compromised and I end up high tailing it across London to cover a
class when in reality I need my bed or a nice catch up with friends.
So what happened to the calm, serene vision…
Honestly? Nothing, I could have that but I continue to choose not to, without
even knowing I’m doing it. I changed my career, my day-to-day activities but I
am still me. I am and always have been a high energy, constantly on the go kind
of person and don’t rest easy for long. I generally take on too much and find
it hard to say no when asked to do something- balance doesn’t fit too well in
my dictionary. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I think my way is the best. I
can totally see the downfalls and the bags under my eyes are most definitely telling
me to slow down- but seriously I came to a point about 2 months ago where I
literally felt I had been slapped in the face. Cue melt down mid lunch in a
lovely little restaurant, friends looking at me in shock, willing me to soak up
the tears as they continued to splash onto the table- sounds dramatic? It
really was! I just realized I had moved from one rat race to another and it as
me who was continually increasing the speed on my own treadmill and my poor
little legs had enough.
Mini meltdown over I spent the next few
days really thinking about where I was and what I needed to change. It sounds
so simple when you look at it from the outside in- cut a few classes and don’t
work as much, rest more, relax more, say no- easy! But the reality is a much
bigger deal- I needed to understand me, listen to me and stop trying to please
other people, this was the real challenge. I discovered I naturally thought of
other people in a situation before considering the impact on me- When asked to
do something I didn’t think about if I actually wanted to do it, I immediately
said yes and then worried later about how to move all the other things around
to do it- roll on the stress and worry. People who know me will probably be
smiling at this point struggling to keep the words ‘I told you so’ from leaping
out of their mouth! Yes I know you have told me so many times before but I
didn’t really hear it- not properly. It is one of those things you have to learn
for yourself- well friends I am learning!
I don’t for a minute think I am now going
to be a super chilled, take it as it comes girl- I am a planner, I love being
really busy, I often overthink things and stress over the little things but I
am me! I am not going to promise not to worry or stress because that would be
me trying to be something I am not- however I am finding my ‘No’ voice, I am
listening to what I want and not worrying so much about what other people
think- yes this is a work in progress but I am
determined to find that balance and so far it feels great!
So the grass on the other side may be a
different shade of green, it doesn’t mean it is better, maybe it is, or maybe
it is just different. We are creatures of habit, we adapt to our surroundings
you can change the setting, your clothes all those material things but you will
always be you! Don’t try to change who you are, just learn to love you…. Just the
way you are!
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